Apparently, I lost you
by iloveyoucalzona
Summary: My take on what could happen in Season 10 of Grey's Anatomy between Callie and Arizona! Begins with their confrontation in 9x24, extends until who knows when.
1. Chapter 1

**I understand that in this first part, I'm only adding a little to their fight in the episode, but after this background, I will proceed to talk about what happens FROM THIS POINT. Thank you.**

**Arizona's POV:**

"I thought, I thought we were past the hard stuff. I thought, I thought we were finally good," Callie babbles.

"We were. We, we are." I begin. I'm finding it hard to get even a word in edgewise.

"We're married!" Callie states. As if I had forgotten.

"I know!" I reply. I feel horrible for sleeping with Lauren. Absolutely horrible. I don't know what I was thinking. I wait for Callie to finish processing so I can properly apologize to her and beg for forgiveness. I can't imagine a life without Callie. I need her. She's my wife.

"God," Callie continues, still processing. "We have a child!"

"I KNOW!" How could I have done this to Callie, to Sofia? How could I have allowed myself to cause them so much pain?

"How could you do this?" Callie cries. She's trying to understand.

"I don't know," I reply, crying. I wish I could understand why, myself. I just want to make this okay. I want to make it right.

"After all the hell that's happened this year, everything we've been through, everything we've survived!"

I shake my head, trying to will the tears to stop falling.

"The bankruptcy, Mark, the plane..." she begins.

"Ugh!" I surprise myself, yelling all of a sudden. I am so tired of her acting as if she was on the plane with us. "You weren't on the plane, Callie!"

Her face goes blank as I unexpectedly begin yelling back at her.

"You weren't in the woods, and you did not hear Meredith crying for Lexie and Mark moaning in pain or hear me screaming in pain! You weren't there! And you keep acting like you were, but you weren't! And it wasn't your experience!" I hadn't realized how much anger and resentment I still harbored towards Callie until that moment, when she mentioned the plane.

"I lost Mark! You almost died!" Callie describes her "pain."

"'I lost Mark, you almost died,'" I mimic, completely lacking my filter by this point. "YOU WEREN'T ON THE FREAKING PLANE!"

I can tell by Callie's face that she's utterly shocked by my outburst, but I can't go back now. Too much has been said. Too much anger has bubbled up to turn around. I may as well put it all out there.

"You want it? The street cred, the badge of honor, the warrior wounds?"

Callie does not know what to believe. She's shocked. A week ago, we were fine. Better than fine. Now this? What has happened to us?

"Then great. Stick out your leg and I will go grab a bone saw and let's even the score!"

Callie is shocked. She is completely silent, something incredibly rare for her. Her mouth is agape. She is stunned.

What have I done?

"Oh!" I burst into tears, unable to stop them this time. Why did I say that? What came over me?

I put my face in my hands, crying over what my life has become.

Finally, Callie is able to move. Her breath hitches in her throat. "It always comes back to the leg."

"I trusted you," I say softly, "more than anything. More than anyone in my life, and you decided to cut it off."

I blame Callie. I blame Callie. I blame Callie.

How could I have buried these feelings for so long without even realizing? How had we never worked it out? I thought I was better. I thought I was good. I thought my PTSD or whatever was gone. Apparently not.

"You didn't lose anything!" I am in the residents lounge during a storm. I am standing ten feet apart from my wife and I am screaming. Every ounce of strength I have left is spent screaming at my wife.

"I did!" I clarify. "I did."

I watch her as she cries, and I feel nothing but anger towards her. I had been ready to apologize. I cheated on my wife, that is unforgivable. But now, I can't imagine apologizing. She cut off my leg. She didn't lose anything. I did. My act of infidelity just seems to have evened the score, a little.

We stand there, looking at one another, for what feels like decades.

Finally, Callie responds. "Apparently, I lost you."

And with that, she walks out of the room.


	2. Chapter 2

**Callie's POV:**

I cannot believe what my life has become. What happened to "till death do us part"? What happened to "if you ever sleep with anyone again, I will kick the crap out of you"? Didn't that go both ways?

Apparently not.

On one hand, I want to divorce Arizona. I want to hate her. I want to find someone who won't cheat on me and won't constantly break my heart.

But, I know it's pointless. I know I will never love anyone the way I love Arizona. She's the one for me. I meant it when I said I wouldn't run and I meant it when I said I wouldn't leave her side. And I can't decide to just because she cheated on me. Just because she...had...sex...with...someone...else.

I can't think about this. I feel sick to my stomach.

"Torres!" Cristina calls out to me suddenly. "Are you busy right now? A patient just came in with a punctured lung and flail chest, can you put his bones back together while I fix his heart?"

As if I'm stuck in a trance, I don't respond right away.

"Callie," Cristina comes over to me, anxious. "What's wrong?"

She knows me well. We became friends when we were roommates, much earlier in my relationship with Arizona. Now, she's Sofia's godmother and someone who I know I can trust.

"Don't we have surgery?"

"Eh, Dr. Ross wanted on it, anyway. It would be a standard procedure anyway, nothing too interesting. I don't mind missing it if something's going on with you."

"Arizona cheated on me." I blurt out. There's no use trying to keep it a secret; everyone will find out eventually, anyway.

Cristina plops down next to me, incredulous. "Wow," she breathes, "I didn't see that coming."

"I didn't either," I laugh bitterly.

"That one-legged monster."

I really laugh this time. "Hey! Not funny."

"You laughed!" Cristina thinks for a second. "Why did she do it?"

"What do you mean 'why'? Why do people ever cheat? Obviously she doesn't value our marriage, anymore."

"Is that what she said?"

"No. She brought up her leg. She still hates me for making the call to amputate it, I guess."

"If you hadn't, she wouldn't be here."

"I know."

Cristina was quiet. I'm not used to seeing her so pensive. Usually, we joke, laugh, and drink together. We have a good time.

"What are you thinking?" I ask her. I'm willing to take any consolation I can get.

"I'm remembering when Owen cheated on me."

I can't help but notice how sad Cristina's voice gets when she says his name.

"Yeah? What about it?"

"It was after I got an abortion."

"What?!" I hadn't known about that.

"Callie, come on," Cristina makes a face at me. "I'm not 'mom' material, I love surgery."

"This is true. So, what happened with Owen?"

"He cheated on me after the abortion. Like, payback or something."

I suddenly see where she's going with this. "You think Arizona cheated on me to what? Hurt me?"

Cristina just shrugs.

"W-w-w-w-wait! You can't just say that! So, what? All this time, she hasn't forgiven me for making the call to cut off her leg? And, she cheats on me to get me back in some way? So that I can hurt like she hurts?"

Cristina shrugs again.

"Well, she succeeded. I've never felt more hurt." I'm close to tears, and Cristina puts an arm around me.

"Do you really think she would do that?" I ask, mostly to myself.

"I guess you'll have to ask her."


	3. Chapter 3

**Arizona's POV:**

After Callie walked out, all I honestly wanted to do was cry and wallow in self-pity. But, time hasn't stopped for the rest of the world the way it feels it has for me. Almost immediately after, I'm paged to the ER. I power-walk there.

"Karev! What happened?"

"Girl got bit by a dog! Like, really. He tore her flesh off."

"Are you bringing her to surgery? It could easily get infected, clean it up as soon as possible."

"Will do." Alex begins wheeling the girl's bed towards the elevator. "Walk with me."

I hold my breath. Part of me knows that Alex won't lecture me, but I worry he will, anyway. It's not like I don't deserve it.

"How'd it go with Callie?" He asks, genuinely concerned.

I try to smile, but he sees the pain in my eyes. "What are you gonna do?"

"What do you mean 'what am I gonna do'?"

"I mean, how are you going to make it up to her?"

"I don't know. She cut off my leg."

Alex stops walking. "I cut off your leg."

Arizona stops walking, too. "WHAT?"


	4. Chapter 4

**Callie's POV:**

After talking to Cristina, I feel a little better. But, I can't help but miss Mark. He would know exactly what to say to make me feel better. He'd give me a big, strong hug and I'd feel safe in his arms. He was my best friend.

Suddenly, I remember something. Since the plane crash, I've been paying Mark's phone bill. I guess I probably should stop, just like I should sell his apartment, but I don't feel ready to, yet. I just wanted to be able to call him if I ever needed him. I just wanted to hear his voice.

And right now, I need to hear his voice. It's been too long.

His answering machine picks up. "Hey this is Mark, I'm probably busy having sex. Leave a message and I'll get back to you after I'm done."

"Mark, I feel so stupid. You know I would only do this if I was desperate. I mean, you're dead. I'm calling a dead guy's phone." I laugh at myself, a little. "But that doesn't matter. I need you." I choke up. Sniffling, I continue, "Arizona cheated on me. Yeah, since you checked out of life, she's changed a lot. She had PTSD, we amputated her leg and...it was hard for a while. But then, sloooowly, we got better. She trusted me again, or so I thought. But, then she cheated. And she didn't tell me. And I found out myself. And, I guess she still blames me for cutting off her leg and Cristina thinks she cheated on me to get back at me and...I guess I just miss you and wish you were here."

"I really wish you were here," I whisper. "So, yeah. I love you and miss you. So do Sofia and Arizona, even if they don't know it. Bye."

I hang up the phone. I know it's silly, but part of me wishes he would call me back, but I know he can't. He never will. He's dead.

Just like my marriage, it seems.


	5. Chapter 5

**Arizona's POV:**

"Karev. You cut off my leg?" How am I just finding this out?

"Yeah."

"Tell me everything."

"Robbins, we should go. I'm sure there's some little kid in the pit who needs us."

"If they need us, they'll page us. Tell me everything," I repeat. How could Callie not have told me?

"Do you remember me trying to apologize to you again after Callie went to do surgery on Derek's hand?"

"Not really, honestly." I've blocked out everything from those days and weeks spent in the hospital in agonizing pain.

"Well, I did. And you looked so angry, so I was about to leave, but then you started seizing. You were crashing and I did everything I could think of to help you. Nothing worked. Nothing."

I look at his face and see that he's reliving those moments, just like I am. He looks so pained.

"So I went to the OR where Callie was fixing Derek's hand. And I told her you were crashing. I told her I did everything, but that you were dying."

I can't breathe.

"And she made the decision to cut it off. Arizona, it was the only decision. You were going to die. Your leg was infected. It was killing you."

No, no, no.

"So I cut it off. And she worked on Derek's hand. And then you woke up and smiled at her, and that was the last time you really meant it."

"She promised."

"What other choice did she have?" Karev stands up, yelling. "YOU. WERE. DYING. And I'm on your side, I'm always on your side, but you need to start seeing things clearly. You were going to die."

Sometimes, I wish I would have. It isn't fair.

"And the Arizona I knew wouldn't want that. You're rainbows and butterflies, remember? And even if you're not anymore, you're here. And your wife loves you, your daughter loves you...I care about you, too. So figure this stuff out. Figure out how to be someone recognizable. Get some help, damn it!"

I need to find Callie. I need to find out how to be me again.


End file.
